ENFJ + ESTP

Lol, story of me and G:

In my experience, ENFJs take words very personally (hence my warning). If an ENFJ could expect the ESTP to sometimes be very sharp and hurtful without meaning to be, then the ENFJ might be able to slough it off like water off a duck's back. Otherwise, the ENFJ MIGHT feel attacked by this ESTP trait, and try to attack back. But as I said earlier, if they do this, if the ENFJ tries to attack BACK, that's when the ESTP will cut them to shreds with a few well placed words/phrases (or worse). So I recommend the ENFJ avoid this at all costs.

The problem is that when ESTPs are used to someone they will let lots of harsh things out, and if you're an ENFJ you will get massively defensive when an "attack" is perceived. For an ESTP that kinda thing happens all the time and isn't really personal. The ENFJ will make it personal. The ENFJ may have lots of good insults stored up, but the ESTP will always make the final cut, and the ESTP will NOT tolerate an emotional blowout time and again. Once the ENFJ gets emotional and angry the ESTP will be outta there.

I continue to say this, because of the seriousness of ENFJ/ESTP rage (in different ways).

Whoever is with an ESTP should be pretty unflappable. It's not that the ENFJ won't be able to to attack back, the ENFJ attacking back IS THE PROBLEM.

So im supposed to take his accusations of me hiding things and being manipulative lying down?

I'd say just make sure not to take things personally. But upfront; don't play any passive-aggressive games, ESTPs don't like that very much. And also be prepared; an ESTP will probably be in-your-face a lot, and sometimes they will exhaust you. Make sure you set up boundaries so you can take a break if you need it, and don't get too defensive or moody, or else you will make them moody as well. And ESTPs can get quite moody if you press the right buttons.


What I meant is that if an ESTP feels attacked they will either leave or destroy the other person with a well chosen word/phrase that cuts worse than the ENFJ (or any type on the receiving end) can imagine. I can't explain why this happens, only that it does and that it might have something to do with the ESTPs hawk-like instincts and alarming charisma.

If you haven't had this experience it is likely that you have never truly attacked an ESTP.
Sigh. Happened to me. Something about how im always hiding and my lies..... Totally killed me, that one. I didnt know anyone who could read me so well....but in the most callous way too... It's like my worst fear coming true.

ENFJ can cut back plenty hard, so don't underestimate them. ENFJs wonderful gifts can just as easily be misused to devastate.  The problem is, even if ENFJ attacks with a death blow worthy comeback, it won't matter much. The ESTP, if so motivated, is always willing to raise the stakes and keep on playing. Call it a mutually assured destruction.

Startle an ENFJ and they will whip around in their chair ready to fight (seriously). Startle an SP and they will be startled, period. By pouring emotion into everything, the ENFJ is putting themselves at a disadvantage in a fight, because they are draining themselves in a situation that doesn't call for at outpouring of emotion like that (in many cases).
So how do i get less drained? exactly what i was thinking last night. That i was feeling drained. So...one is to take breaks (like the times i would just ignore him). Two, dont be emotional. Dont take it personally. Try.

First strategy is to avoid, which usually works most of the time. But I felt like they were seeking me out to start drama on purpose.

Feels so..why?? Why do i attract drama? i hate dramaaa.

 I think I get what you're saying that for them it was always fun and games, but I guess I don't see it that way. I see it as their way of being in control of their environment and the people in it which if the need is strong enough is actually a weakness. I've never viewed ESTPs as being as easygoing as they're portrayed, I've always thought they were very sharp, perceptive, and dominant people.

That is interesting, to say the least. My first impression of him was that he's so easy-going and very adaptable. Like he would be okay in any social situation, something i admired. Because he seems to blend in every environment....well i'll feel like an awkward turtle. But after much more interaction, i realise his exactly that - very sharp, perceptive, dominant. He did say he had sharp eyes, why did i doubt him? Now to think of it, Sa is something similar altogether. I know her as perceptive and potentially dominant....but to the outsider she's very easy going. And i've never been on the receiving end of her wrath.

I honestly dont know if i can get along with G anymore, i'll try for Al's sake. But now there's a certain sort of weariness and resentment in me. I think its mutual tho... In group situations, i have to tread carefully and pretend like nothing happened. How'd it get so serious?

It seems to me that if you fall into their pack (probably stemming from tertiary Fe) you're cool and protected but if not, you're poked and prodded until some reason is found. 
Yea ok, makes sense. He's trying to suss me out and see if im trustworthy? I hate thissss.

The trick with ESTPs is to not play their game. Simply comment on how whatever they just said as interesting or unique and ask for their opinion on it. I always keep a smile on my face as well :> When you appear interested in what they have to say I think it throws them a bit off balance.

Interesting. So always...play along and act dumb??



Now ENFJ's, wow, those guys can manipulate the hell out of you if you don't see it coming. Their tendency to always say the right thing combined with the fact that they are able to make every interaction they have seem secretive makes them master manipulators. In my experience, they tend to be extremely two-faced and can turn the whole world against you if you are not prepared. I actually enjoy spending time with them due to the fact that with an ENFJ on my side, I can manipulate the entire world. If one is around, they usually pick up on what I'm trying to get out of the person I'm manipulating and help me accomplish my objective. They are great for collaboration. ENFJ's manipulate people to move themselves forward socially, they also tend not to see what they are doing as manipulation.

ESTP's can manipulate you to a certain point, usually though, their "say anything at anytime" nature gets the better of them and they wind up shooting themselves in the foot. It seems like they would also rather not be around people they don't like, even if given the chance to manipulate them. They are great at manipulating their friends though.ESTP's manipulate their friends in order to get what they want out of them(usually money, or that expensive watch you just bought).