You.
I look at you.
Him. So near to me.
But these eyes turn back to you. <br>
The war begins, as usual.
Head and the heart battle it out.
Who will win?
The beating of one's soul, of course. <br>
You make me burn.
He soothes me after.
Your eyes pierce through my soul, leaving me bare and naked.
Fitting all the lost pieces together till you know me like the air you breathe.
His eyes skim the surface, looking for the best parts of me.
He makes me want to be. Be that person he thinks I am. That person I know i can be.
But you see me for what I really am. <br>
Your charm is like a magnet.
Too strong for anyone to resist.
No one's even trying to.
You pull out people's deepest pains and sorrows that's burried and hidden <br>
Effortlessly.
You do it so effortlessly. <br>
Im in awe because you fascinate me,
you amaze me,
you captivate me.
But you're wrong for me.
The head and the whole world seems to think so.
But my heart.
Oh, my heart.
It screams and wails and yells
that you're right. Too right for me.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
I feel so much sadness tonight. I understand that too much time alone with my thoughts leads me to a dark place. There's this darkness & evil within myself that I need to defeat (no blaming on shaitan since its ramadhan). This I think is gonna be my biggest challenge of yet.
I almost "died" inside tonight during solat when I was thinking whether me questioning god's existence is bordering on shirik (which is the most unforgivable sin) which makes me worse than any murderer or rapist or thief in this earth. A person who murders out of mischief is said to have murdered the whole human race. Even he would have the chance of Allah's forgiveness, But I'm worse than that. I felt so ashamed. So dumb, so stupid, so ungrateful. I didn't feel like lifting my face off the floor of the masjid during sujud because I felt so ashamed to face my creator. For ever having that ounce of doubt after I'm blessed left, right, centre.
With that conclusion, I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna continuosly try and acheive his rahmah and please him. I'm gonna keep trying and ask for forgiveness. I'm gonna pray and worship him even though I know the chance of him forgiving him might be negligible, because thats my purpose on this earth- to worship and praise him. And yet today, I read this ayah in Surah Ad-Dhuha that says he does not forsake you. And my fav line that "on no soul does Allah place a greater burden than he can bear". So im convinvced that I can overcome this chip in my aqidah and come out victorious, InsyaAllah.
I'll spend my life doing good deeds, or die trying. Because I need it to repent for my sins. And If I can make one life easier, why not? And to please Allah swt with my actions, if he wills it.
What a slice of humble pie, like Taufiq told me "Compliments should make you more humble." I understand it now. When someone says "wow you're so kind", you shouldn't accept the compliment as yours because kindness is Allah swt's gift to you. And all praises be to Alllah. Furthermore, aren't we supposed to be kind? (we're not even near emulating the prophet saw)
So bottom line, I've decided not to take philosophy because I'm weak. I wanted to take philosophy to challenge myself and perharps, help those having the same questions to the right path. But I realise, i'm not the right person to do that. Because I'm weak. So much so. I would rather not risk Allah's wrath than lead a few people to the right path. We have to think for ourselves when the push comes to shove.
Also, like what wee leong told me, the inception theory. How true. Its fate that he said that to me. All part of allah's plan that i have to learn to accept. For he is all-knowing.
Ya Allah, only you can grant me forgiveness, may you place me among the believers. Insya Allah. Ameen.
I almost "died" inside tonight during solat when I was thinking whether me questioning god's existence is bordering on shirik (which is the most unforgivable sin) which makes me worse than any murderer or rapist or thief in this earth. A person who murders out of mischief is said to have murdered the whole human race. Even he would have the chance of Allah's forgiveness, But I'm worse than that. I felt so ashamed. So dumb, so stupid, so ungrateful. I didn't feel like lifting my face off the floor of the masjid during sujud because I felt so ashamed to face my creator. For ever having that ounce of doubt after I'm blessed left, right, centre.
With that conclusion, I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna continuosly try and acheive his rahmah and please him. I'm gonna keep trying and ask for forgiveness. I'm gonna pray and worship him even though I know the chance of him forgiving him might be negligible, because thats my purpose on this earth- to worship and praise him. And yet today, I read this ayah in Surah Ad-Dhuha that says he does not forsake you. And my fav line that "on no soul does Allah place a greater burden than he can bear". So im convinvced that I can overcome this chip in my aqidah and come out victorious, InsyaAllah.
I'll spend my life doing good deeds, or die trying. Because I need it to repent for my sins. And If I can make one life easier, why not? And to please Allah swt with my actions, if he wills it.
What a slice of humble pie, like Taufiq told me "Compliments should make you more humble." I understand it now. When someone says "wow you're so kind", you shouldn't accept the compliment as yours because kindness is Allah swt's gift to you. And all praises be to Alllah. Furthermore, aren't we supposed to be kind? (we're not even near emulating the prophet saw)
So bottom line, I've decided not to take philosophy because I'm weak. I wanted to take philosophy to challenge myself and perharps, help those having the same questions to the right path. But I realise, i'm not the right person to do that. Because I'm weak. So much so. I would rather not risk Allah's wrath than lead a few people to the right path. We have to think for ourselves when the push comes to shove.
Also, like what wee leong told me, the inception theory. How true. Its fate that he said that to me. All part of allah's plan that i have to learn to accept. For he is all-knowing.
Ya Allah, only you can grant me forgiveness, may you place me among the believers. Insya Allah. Ameen.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
I remember one time, I was with her in a mall, and I saw this really cool action figure of some sort--something that I've been looking for quite a while. This really feels uncomfortable because it's so uncool to buy an action figure while I was with an ENFJ chick.
She'd eventually say, "My ex is a toy collector." :)
The statement just made me comfortable. I don't know if she deliberately said that because she was able to sense the awkwardness of the situation, or if it's also an indirect statement from her that I can just be myself when I'm with her.
That's a trademark ENFJ trait. They're so good in making subtle open-ended remarks that can easily be romanticized or interpreted the way you enjoy it. But at the same time, you don't wanna get too pushy with your interpretation because you'll never know what she really meant. It's not as if she's overwhelming you with affection. It's just that she's so damn good in making open ended subtle flirtations.
Maybe that's the way she enjoys it. The basic premise, "You can get close to me, but have a sense of distance". The problem is the distance is so vague it becomes an addictive flirting loop.
She'd eventually say, "My ex is a toy collector." :)
The statement just made me comfortable. I don't know if she deliberately said that because she was able to sense the awkwardness of the situation, or if it's also an indirect statement from her that I can just be myself when I'm with her.
That's a trademark ENFJ trait. They're so good in making subtle open-ended remarks that can easily be romanticized or interpreted the way you enjoy it. But at the same time, you don't wanna get too pushy with your interpretation because you'll never know what she really meant. It's not as if she's overwhelming you with affection. It's just that she's so damn good in making open ended subtle flirtations.
Maybe that's the way she enjoys it. The basic premise, "You can get close to me, but have a sense of distance". The problem is the distance is so vague it becomes an addictive flirting loop.
Fits to a T
One of my best friends is an INFP and I wish I could find the guy version of her. I love that she understands my feelings because she has deep feelings too. We both also are a little dreamy, so we understand each other in that way... I think it is the N thing.
I love INFPs! I really respect that my friend needs alone time but I feel so honored when she allows me just to hang out with her, because I find her presence very calming, even if she needs "alone time" and we don't talk. She listens to my ideas and offers honest feedback. she also is always ready to go on adventures with me. yeah, INFPs are awesome.
I love INFPs! I really respect that my friend needs alone time but I feel so honored when she allows me just to hang out with her, because I find her presence very calming, even if she needs "alone time" and we don't talk. She listens to my ideas and offers honest feedback. she also is always ready to go on adventures with me. yeah, INFPs are awesome.
Monday, July 2, 2012
ENFj + ESTp (Socionics)
Relations of Activity
These relations are the easiest and quickest to start. Activity partners do not experience any visual difficulties when starting relations which can be surprising to them at the beginning. Partners stimulate each other into activity. Interaction with an Activity partner becomes really satisfying especially if both partners feel a mutual attraction. However, with continuous interaction over a long period comes overactivation which normally results in an overall tiredness of each other (a good example is when you watch a comedy that is so funny that after half the film you do not have the energy to laugh anymore). When this happens Activity partners need a short rest from each other, after which they can enjoy a positive interaction once again. This pattern repeats itself giving these relations an oscillating character. If partners cannot take a break from each other, it can cause negative stimulation to take the place of positive.
Although overall interaction between partners is nice and easy, when it comes to fulfilling everyday duties and matters together, partners usually meet with many problems. Instead of solving the problems, Activity partners tend to give advice to each other on how to solve these problems, often affecting each others weak points. The advice of an Activity partner is always useful as it can strengthen your weakness, but not so much that it will ever become your strength.
The other problem with these relations is that information between Activity partners always needs some adjustments. One partner may think of it as too foggy and not concrete enough, whereas for the other partner it is too unrefined. Collaboration is also difficult, because partners cannot predict each others behaviour and actions in what seem to be ordinary situations. Because of this, partners cannot rely or count on each other in full. Most of the problems that arise during Activity relationships are because one partner is always Perceiving and the other is always Judging, meaning that they live in different life rhythms.
These relations are excellent for leisure, but not for day to day activities. When two Duality pairs gather together (forming a complete Quadrable) they experience a feeling of elation. The reason for this is that when two Duality pairs interact with each other, the two introverts (one from each Duality pair) and the two extroverts (again, one from each Duality pair) interact with each other as relations of Activity. Introverts in relations of Activity become slightly extroverted and more open, whereas two extroverts will often calm down a little.
These relations are the easiest and quickest to start. Activity partners do not experience any visual difficulties when starting relations which can be surprising to them at the beginning. Partners stimulate each other into activity. Interaction with an Activity partner becomes really satisfying especially if both partners feel a mutual attraction. However, with continuous interaction over a long period comes overactivation which normally results in an overall tiredness of each other (a good example is when you watch a comedy that is so funny that after half the film you do not have the energy to laugh anymore). When this happens Activity partners need a short rest from each other, after which they can enjoy a positive interaction once again. This pattern repeats itself giving these relations an oscillating character. If partners cannot take a break from each other, it can cause negative stimulation to take the place of positive.
Although overall interaction between partners is nice and easy, when it comes to fulfilling everyday duties and matters together, partners usually meet with many problems. Instead of solving the problems, Activity partners tend to give advice to each other on how to solve these problems, often affecting each others weak points. The advice of an Activity partner is always useful as it can strengthen your weakness, but not so much that it will ever become your strength.
The other problem with these relations is that information between Activity partners always needs some adjustments. One partner may think of it as too foggy and not concrete enough, whereas for the other partner it is too unrefined. Collaboration is also difficult, because partners cannot predict each others behaviour and actions in what seem to be ordinary situations. Because of this, partners cannot rely or count on each other in full. Most of the problems that arise during Activity relationships are because one partner is always Perceiving and the other is always Judging, meaning that they live in different life rhythms.
These relations are excellent for leisure, but not for day to day activities. When two Duality pairs gather together (forming a complete Quadrable) they experience a feeling of elation. The reason for this is that when two Duality pairs interact with each other, the two introverts (one from each Duality pair) and the two extroverts (again, one from each Duality pair) interact with each other as relations of Activity. Introverts in relations of Activity become slightly extroverted and more open, whereas two extroverts will often calm down a little.
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