I think he's the same type as Sa. They seem to be very similar, yet differnt. I take their differences to be due to the enneagram. I think Sa is an 8 and G a 6, explaining a certain softness to him as compared to sa.
As an ESTP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take
things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary
mode is internal, where you deal with things rationally and logically.
He's first function is Se, which makes a lot of sense since Al is Se too. And he seems very rational and logical although you have to really observe him to take note of these sort of things.
ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs
are "doers" who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward
risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands
dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on
introspection or theory. The look at the facts of a situation, quickly decide
what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next thing.
Explains his need to have a lot of activities, 4 camps, make friends, be in a different cliques. Its different from my own motives - which is that people interest me and i wanted to connect with people from different groups. His is more of excitement. So as not to be bored. New experiences. Total SP-ish. And during the career test, he did say he liked to be hands on and do things outdoor.
ESTPs have an uncanny ability to perceive people's attitudes and motivations.
They pick up on little cues which go completely unnoticed by most other types,
such as facial expressions and stance. They're typically a couple of steps ahead
of the person they're interacting with. ESTPs use this ability to get what they
want out of a situation.
This. No wonder he's pretty up to par with my game. I've always felt so. Even since the day at Fish & Co. even when i knew him less than a week?
They love to have fun, and are fun people to be around. They can sometimes be
hurtful to others without being aware of it, as they generally do not know and
may not care about the effect their words have on others. It's not that they
don't care about people, it's that their decision-making process does not
involve taking people's feelings into account. They make decisions based on
facts and logic.
Yup, the way he was acting with me yestrday on whatsapp was quite hurtful, yet at the same time i don't think he means to hurt me.
ESTP's least developed area is their intuitive side. They are impatient with
theory, and see little use for it in their quest to "get things done". An ESTP
will occasionally have strong intuitions which are often way off-base, but
sometimes very lucid and positive. The ESTP does not trust their instincts, and
is suspicious of other people's intuition as well.
The ESTP is not likely to choose to be around all of the personality types. They
have little patience for iNtuitive Thinking types, who seem very abstract and
theoretical to the ESTP, who values action. The ESTP is likely to choose to be
around people who have similar interests to their own - such as sports-oriented
interests.
Hahaha, im not surprised. My second function, which i must say is quite developed now is Introverted Intuition. No wonder he's so....nyurgh....when i go all abstract or random.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
ENFJ + ESTP
Lol, story of me and G:
In my experience, ENFJs take words very personally (hence my warning). If an ENFJ could expect the ESTP to sometimes be very sharp and hurtful without meaning to be, then the ENFJ might be able to slough it off like water off a duck's back. Otherwise, the ENFJ MIGHT feel attacked by this ESTP trait, and try to attack back. But as I said earlier, if they do this, if the ENFJ tries to attack BACK, that's when the ESTP will cut them to shreds with a few well placed words/phrases (or worse). So I recommend the ENFJ avoid this at all costs.
The problem is that when ESTPs are used to someone they will let lots of harsh things out, and if you're an ENFJ you will get massively defensive when an "attack" is perceived. For an ESTP that kinda thing happens all the time and isn't really personal. The ENFJ will make it personal. The ENFJ may have lots of good insults stored up, but the ESTP will always make the final cut, and the ESTP will NOT tolerate an emotional blowout time and again. Once the ENFJ gets emotional and angry the ESTP will be outta there.
I continue to say this, because of the seriousness of ENFJ/ESTP rage (in different ways).
Whoever is with an ESTP should be pretty unflappable. It's not that the ENFJ won't be able to to attack back, the ENFJ attacking back IS THE PROBLEM.
So im supposed to take his accusations of me hiding things and being manipulative lying down?
I'd say just make sure not to take things personally. But upfront; don't play any passive-aggressive games, ESTPs don't like that very much. And also be prepared; an ESTP will probably be in-your-face a lot, and sometimes they will exhaust you. Make sure you set up boundaries so you can take a break if you need it, and don't get too defensive or moody, or else you will make them moody as well. And ESTPs can get quite moody if you press the right buttons.
What I meant is that if an ESTP feels attacked they will either leave or destroy the other person with a well chosen word/phrase that cuts worse than the ENFJ (or any type on the receiving end) can imagine. I can't explain why this happens, only that it does and that it might have something to do with the ESTPs hawk-like instincts and alarming charisma.
If you haven't had this experience it is likely that you have never truly attacked an ESTP.
Sigh. Happened to me. Something about how im always hiding and my lies..... Totally killed me, that one. I didnt know anyone who could read me so well....but in the most callous way too... It's like my worst fear coming true.
ENFJ can cut back plenty hard, so don't underestimate them. ENFJs wonderful gifts can just as easily be misused to devastate. The problem is, even if ENFJ attacks with a death blow worthy comeback, it won't matter much. The ESTP, if so motivated, is always willing to raise the stakes and keep on playing. Call it a mutually assured destruction.
Startle an ENFJ and they will whip around in their chair ready to fight (seriously). Startle an SP and they will be startled, period. By pouring emotion into everything, the ENFJ is putting themselves at a disadvantage in a fight, because they are draining themselves in a situation that doesn't call for at outpouring of emotion like that (in many cases).
So how do i get less drained? exactly what i was thinking last night. That i was feeling drained. So...one is to take breaks (like the times i would just ignore him). Two, dont be emotional. Dont take it personally. Try.
First strategy is to avoid, which usually works most of the time. But I felt like they were seeking me out to start drama on purpose.
Feels so..why?? Why do i attract drama? i hate dramaaa.
I think I get what you're saying that for them it was always fun and games, but I guess I don't see it that way. I see it as their way of being in control of their environment and the people in it which if the need is strong enough is actually a weakness. I've never viewed ESTPs as being as easygoing as they're portrayed, I've always thought they were very sharp, perceptive, and dominant people.
That is interesting, to say the least. My first impression of him was that he's so easy-going and very adaptable. Like he would be okay in any social situation, something i admired. Because he seems to blend in every environment....well i'll feel like an awkward turtle. But after much more interaction, i realise his exactly that - very sharp, perceptive, dominant. He did say he had sharp eyes, why did i doubt him? Now to think of it, Sa is something similar altogether. I know her as perceptive and potentially dominant....but to the outsider she's very easy going. And i've never been on the receiving end of her wrath.
I honestly dont know if i can get along with G anymore, i'll try for Al's sake. But now there's a certain sort of weariness and resentment in me. I think its mutual tho... In group situations, i have to tread carefully and pretend like nothing happened. How'd it get so serious?
It seems to me that if you fall into their pack (probably stemming from tertiary Fe) you're cool and protected but if not, you're poked and prodded until some reason is found.
Yea ok, makes sense. He's trying to suss me out and see if im trustworthy? I hate thissss.
The trick with ESTPs is to not play their game. Simply comment on how whatever they just said as interesting or unique and ask for their opinion on it. I always keep a smile on my face as well :> When you appear interested in what they have to say I think it throws them a bit off balance.
Interesting. So always...play along and act dumb??
Now ENFJ's, wow, those guys can manipulate the hell out of you if you don't see it coming. Their tendency to always say the right thing combined with the fact that they are able to make every interaction they have seem secretive makes them master manipulators. In my experience, they tend to be extremely two-faced and can turn the whole world against you if you are not prepared. I actually enjoy spending time with them due to the fact that with an ENFJ on my side, I can manipulate the entire world. If one is around, they usually pick up on what I'm trying to get out of the person I'm manipulating and help me accomplish my objective. They are great for collaboration. ENFJ's manipulate people to move themselves forward socially, they also tend not to see what they are doing as manipulation.
ESTP's can manipulate you to a certain point, usually though, their "say anything at anytime" nature gets the better of them and they wind up shooting themselves in the foot. It seems like they would also rather not be around people they don't like, even if given the chance to manipulate them. They are great at manipulating their friends though.ESTP's manipulate their friends in order to get what they want out of them(usually money, or that expensive watch you just bought).
In my experience, ENFJs take words very personally (hence my warning). If an ENFJ could expect the ESTP to sometimes be very sharp and hurtful without meaning to be, then the ENFJ might be able to slough it off like water off a duck's back. Otherwise, the ENFJ MIGHT feel attacked by this ESTP trait, and try to attack back. But as I said earlier, if they do this, if the ENFJ tries to attack BACK, that's when the ESTP will cut them to shreds with a few well placed words/phrases (or worse). So I recommend the ENFJ avoid this at all costs.
The problem is that when ESTPs are used to someone they will let lots of harsh things out, and if you're an ENFJ you will get massively defensive when an "attack" is perceived. For an ESTP that kinda thing happens all the time and isn't really personal. The ENFJ will make it personal. The ENFJ may have lots of good insults stored up, but the ESTP will always make the final cut, and the ESTP will NOT tolerate an emotional blowout time and again. Once the ENFJ gets emotional and angry the ESTP will be outta there.
I continue to say this, because of the seriousness of ENFJ/ESTP rage (in different ways).
Whoever is with an ESTP should be pretty unflappable. It's not that the ENFJ won't be able to to attack back, the ENFJ attacking back IS THE PROBLEM.
So im supposed to take his accusations of me hiding things and being manipulative lying down?
I'd say just make sure not to take things personally. But upfront; don't play any passive-aggressive games, ESTPs don't like that very much. And also be prepared; an ESTP will probably be in-your-face a lot, and sometimes they will exhaust you. Make sure you set up boundaries so you can take a break if you need it, and don't get too defensive or moody, or else you will make them moody as well. And ESTPs can get quite moody if you press the right buttons.
What I meant is that if an ESTP feels attacked they will either leave or destroy the other person with a well chosen word/phrase that cuts worse than the ENFJ (or any type on the receiving end) can imagine. I can't explain why this happens, only that it does and that it might have something to do with the ESTPs hawk-like instincts and alarming charisma.
If you haven't had this experience it is likely that you have never truly attacked an ESTP.
Sigh. Happened to me. Something about how im always hiding and my lies..... Totally killed me, that one. I didnt know anyone who could read me so well....but in the most callous way too... It's like my worst fear coming true.
ENFJ can cut back plenty hard, so don't underestimate them. ENFJs wonderful gifts can just as easily be misused to devastate. The problem is, even if ENFJ attacks with a death blow worthy comeback, it won't matter much. The ESTP, if so motivated, is always willing to raise the stakes and keep on playing. Call it a mutually assured destruction.
Startle an ENFJ and they will whip around in their chair ready to fight (seriously). Startle an SP and they will be startled, period. By pouring emotion into everything, the ENFJ is putting themselves at a disadvantage in a fight, because they are draining themselves in a situation that doesn't call for at outpouring of emotion like that (in many cases).
So how do i get less drained? exactly what i was thinking last night. That i was feeling drained. So...one is to take breaks (like the times i would just ignore him). Two, dont be emotional. Dont take it personally. Try.
First strategy is to avoid, which usually works most of the time. But I felt like they were seeking me out to start drama on purpose.
Feels so..why?? Why do i attract drama? i hate dramaaa.
I think I get what you're saying that for them it was always fun and games, but I guess I don't see it that way. I see it as their way of being in control of their environment and the people in it which if the need is strong enough is actually a weakness. I've never viewed ESTPs as being as easygoing as they're portrayed, I've always thought they were very sharp, perceptive, and dominant people.
That is interesting, to say the least. My first impression of him was that he's so easy-going and very adaptable. Like he would be okay in any social situation, something i admired. Because he seems to blend in every environment....well i'll feel like an awkward turtle. But after much more interaction, i realise his exactly that - very sharp, perceptive, dominant. He did say he had sharp eyes, why did i doubt him? Now to think of it, Sa is something similar altogether. I know her as perceptive and potentially dominant....but to the outsider she's very easy going. And i've never been on the receiving end of her wrath.
I honestly dont know if i can get along with G anymore, i'll try for Al's sake. But now there's a certain sort of weariness and resentment in me. I think its mutual tho... In group situations, i have to tread carefully and pretend like nothing happened. How'd it get so serious?
It seems to me that if you fall into their pack (probably stemming from tertiary Fe) you're cool and protected but if not, you're poked and prodded until some reason is found.
Yea ok, makes sense. He's trying to suss me out and see if im trustworthy? I hate thissss.
The trick with ESTPs is to not play their game. Simply comment on how whatever they just said as interesting or unique and ask for their opinion on it. I always keep a smile on my face as well :> When you appear interested in what they have to say I think it throws them a bit off balance.
Interesting. So always...play along and act dumb??
Now ENFJ's, wow, those guys can manipulate the hell out of you if you don't see it coming. Their tendency to always say the right thing combined with the fact that they are able to make every interaction they have seem secretive makes them master manipulators. In my experience, they tend to be extremely two-faced and can turn the whole world against you if you are not prepared. I actually enjoy spending time with them due to the fact that with an ENFJ on my side, I can manipulate the entire world. If one is around, they usually pick up on what I'm trying to get out of the person I'm manipulating and help me accomplish my objective. They are great for collaboration. ENFJ's manipulate people to move themselves forward socially, they also tend not to see what they are doing as manipulation.
ESTP's can manipulate you to a certain point, usually though, their "say anything at anytime" nature gets the better of them and they wind up shooting themselves in the foot. It seems like they would also rather not be around people they don't like, even if given the chance to manipulate them. They are great at manipulating their friends though.ESTP's manipulate their friends in order to get what they want out of them(usually money, or that expensive watch you just bought).
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Low self-esteem
I've been taking a closer look at my inner-self and I'm realizing that a ton of my issues stem from low self-esteem. If I think about it there is no reason for me to not be confident in myself but its my natural tendency. Example: if a friend makes a skeptical face after I say something it affects me WAY more than it should. I'm wondering if it is common for ENFJs to suffer from low self-esteem, how other ENFJs have dealt with it, and if it has gotten better with age.
Another quirk about me: I don't form extremely close relationships often. Over the course of my life I have had one "best" friend. (Best friend meaning someone I show my whole self to, someone I am completely comfortable with.) I think this might relate to me not being confident enough in myself to let people in. This is not to say I don't have any friends. I have tons of friends, and really good ones that trust me a lot; I just don't give my whole self to them.
About the close friendships thing. I am the same way. I am very picky about who I "let in." I read that ENFJ's tend to hide their "true selves" from people...even though we can share quite a lot. When I read this, I tried to little by little share some secrets with certain friends who I trust more, just to see how they would respond. When they accept these secrets, I feel relieved and feel like my trust in them deepens and that our relationship gets closer. It does feel a little nerve-wracking at first, but when they respond well to it then I think it is really worth it. If they don't respond well, then...I start to question how far the relationship will go. I want friends who can understand me, friends who really care about me and care about getting to know who I truly am. So if they don't seem willing to understand me at such a level, after I opened up to them a bit, then it becomes more clear that maybe the "friendship" won't be so close.
I know I hold back a lot because I fear of getting hurt, being misunderstood or made fun of by these "friends"...so once I decided to risk these feelings because that particular friend really seemed "capable" to be there for me...I open up more and be myself more fully. These types of people seem rare though, so it might take time and lots of searching, but don't lose hope.
I feel this comes to a trust issue I may have, I feel my friends already like me for who I am and theres no need to change that perception, similarly whilst Im sure that letting them see a more serious side wouldn't hurt that perception, I just rather they didn't have that opinion of me in their head.
2nd part is definitely interesting. Yea, its like i alrd "customised" myself to each individual/group that changing the image is quite risky..i mean im sure they'll still like me but why should i bother right? Who knows what they're really thinking? "Too emotional/angsty"...thats what i always get when i tweet what i truly feel. Its because everyone has that "im always so happy" perception of me in their heads. Which shocks me everytime i hear it....because im not happy a lot of times.
All boils down to acceptance and trust. Like for example, with XJ i cant be overly emotional about romance or lack thereof becaue how would he react? I wont get the affirmation I need, so why bother making myself feel so vulnerable? None.
Another quirk about me: I don't form extremely close relationships often. Over the course of my life I have had one "best" friend. (Best friend meaning someone I show my whole self to, someone I am completely comfortable with.) I think this might relate to me not being confident enough in myself to let people in. This is not to say I don't have any friends. I have tons of friends, and really good ones that trust me a lot; I just don't give my whole self to them.
About the close friendships thing. I am the same way. I am very picky about who I "let in." I read that ENFJ's tend to hide their "true selves" from people...even though we can share quite a lot. When I read this, I tried to little by little share some secrets with certain friends who I trust more, just to see how they would respond. When they accept these secrets, I feel relieved and feel like my trust in them deepens and that our relationship gets closer. It does feel a little nerve-wracking at first, but when they respond well to it then I think it is really worth it. If they don't respond well, then...I start to question how far the relationship will go. I want friends who can understand me, friends who really care about me and care about getting to know who I truly am. So if they don't seem willing to understand me at such a level, after I opened up to them a bit, then it becomes more clear that maybe the "friendship" won't be so close.
I know I hold back a lot because I fear of getting hurt, being misunderstood or made fun of by these "friends"...so once I decided to risk these feelings because that particular friend really seemed "capable" to be there for me...I open up more and be myself more fully. These types of people seem rare though, so it might take time and lots of searching, but don't lose hope.
I feel this comes to a trust issue I may have, I feel my friends already like me for who I am and theres no need to change that perception, similarly whilst Im sure that letting them see a more serious side wouldn't hurt that perception, I just rather they didn't have that opinion of me in their head.
2nd part is definitely interesting. Yea, its like i alrd "customised" myself to each individual/group that changing the image is quite risky..i mean im sure they'll still like me but why should i bother right? Who knows what they're really thinking? "Too emotional/angsty"...thats what i always get when i tweet what i truly feel. Its because everyone has that "im always so happy" perception of me in their heads. Which shocks me everytime i hear it....because im not happy a lot of times.
All boils down to acceptance and trust. Like for example, with XJ i cant be overly emotional about romance or lack thereof becaue how would he react? I wont get the affirmation I need, so why bother making myself feel so vulnerable? None.
Why ENFJs push people away when they get too close (PART 2)
"I can get so close to someone, offer so much help and the next thing you know, i can withdraw out of their life. I have my reason, let me explain.
Lots of my close friends and relatives are type 4, 5 which are resembling of INFP, INFJ, ISFP...these people have high maintenace and extremely hard to please sometime. They make me walk on egg-shell and are annoyed with everything i say/do. I've been trying my best to bring theme peace of mind, but it seems like they want to torture themselves of all cost. My mother is an INFP and an E4. And im a E3, so i did whatever to seek approval from her. Sometime i got it, sometime not. She's temperament and difficult. I don't blame her, don't take it wrong, she's just being herself."
This. With H (E4) and xj (E5). Yes, again, whatever I did sometimes annoy them and i have to be so guarded so that they wont dislike me or get annoyed. How then do i show my true self? For H, no matter what I said or did, it wouldn't soothe her (for example her SO cheating) and it seems whatever I said was wrong. As much as I wanted to feel needed + help, i'd feel so drained just trying to think of what to say. But again, i dont blame her. Its just the way she is. Its something i have to accept and adjust myself to.
"We are vulnerable and sensitive to rejection. One main reason we keep a distance from people because we are afraid to get hurt. Another is because some of these people drain us deliberately. We are the givers who wear our heart on sleeves. We are the magnets that attract poor wounded souls to us. People can sense our goodness and innocence. But some among these are preditors preying on our energy. So, watch out! Don't let the bad people take advantage of you."
How accurate! Im so afraid to get hurt again. So so so afraid. Its a fear that gets my heart beating so bad at the idea. Brings me back memories i try so hard to supress. Those "black hole" days which scared me to no end. And this paragraph just screams E.
"Ok, my INFPs called me whenever they needed to vent their brain out. I took it all. However, when i tried to call them back sometime, they weren't there. But i found it extraordinary selfish of them."
Yes, at one point of time, I thought this about S. But then i have come to terms with it and i understood it's just because we have high expectations of ourselves. We are always there for others, so we expect the same from others but that's not fair to them. Read an article about INFPs and FI-dom makes everyone's problems invisible because their own problems would be like an unrelenting large cloud of storm at the forefront of their mind.
"One thing it's because of our defense mechanism defense is strong. I do that to let my friends know that i have other special friends too. Maybe we are not that confident as you think we are. We don't want to lean on you and you alone because what if you leave? what are we gonna do? How can we cope? We all have insecurity but we react differently on it, you see?"
too true. I do this a lot to H and sometimes S. But mostly H. Maybe cos i want her to see that I do not belong to her. That i have greater worth? Or that i have better friends, people who that are more similar to me, that im not that weird and different. People that accept me more than her? thats why i'd rather hang out with them? i think its the latter.
Another thing could be we are interested in people from all walks of life. It's a life long study for us ENFJs. We don't really cling to someone you know, everyone is our best friend. That can be good and bad at times. You may find it superficial and pretentious. As my INFP friend said once, i dont have a single circle, it's more like a blop
i totally agreed with him on that. It doesn't mean we forgot you. Different people have different roles in our heart. We will constantly think about you, care about your being..etc. We may or may not say it, but you can feel it by talking to us, look at us in the eyes.
Thats why quality time is so important for me. Showing you that i care, that i want to shower my attention on you and just you for that short period of time. This pretty much sums up being ENFJ.
Advice to all those who want to be 'possessive' of ENFJs:
My advice for you is, don't feel sad about your friend being a social butterfly, don't make her feel guilty and don't hold her back. Let her grow on her own term. She will come back to you eventually. You can never imagine, but if your our special friends, you will stay in the back of our head for life. It may sound strange but it takes almost no time for us to united with you after a long time because in our mind, we never left.
I also find that I initiate a lot in my friendships, organising coffee get-togethers, dinners out etc....that a lot of the time I wish people would call me and ask "Hey, how are you" and listen to me
Yup! I do initiate most of my meet-ups and always the one asking "how are you" question. That i get stunned and shocked when someone asks me"how are you". This agains leads back to being E2 where we have little self-worth and our feelings are of little value. Thus, we ourself dont bother saying how we are, our if so, on a more superficial level. But still, the feeling of wanting to be appreciated is still there.
I agree - all my friends - they each stand on their own in their d
ifferences. They are all unique - different backgrounds, views etc, if I put all my friends in one room I don't think they'd get on lol.
Haha so true. Imagine people that I hang out one-on-one together...Put s, h, yh, e, I in one room. HAHA ok the idea itself is super funny.
As an ENFJ, I think about everyone who's in my life IRL. I even think about the people at PC. I think about my childhood friends who I have never seen again and I wonder what they're doing, how they are. I think about people I worked with years ago and never stayed in contact with. I just cannot stop thinking about PEOPLE.
Yea, interesting idea. Never realised this but this applies to me too. Just yestrday, i was thinking about aisyah, syahida, herlmi, debra, terrance, leon....whuuutttt. haha
"My life is built on personas. If someone gets close they will find out about these personas. Only my closest friends know of my ability to be a chameleon. "
The reason i get so weird when im stuck with 2 close friends who dont know each other....how do i behave? What persona do i put up then?? And im afraid that someone will find out that im different with everyone. It gets hard sometimes having to put up all these personas. Especially after not seeing for so long, i forgot what persona im supposed to put up. And i get scared...what if im too candid? too harsh? too quiet? And the person might find me changed and different...get suspicious and not like me as much? My downfall that will be one day. Why personas? Cos i've "customised" version of myself for everyone. To talk about common topics and shared values to connect and ultimately, be liked and be indispensable. To have that "special" and "unique" connection with someone. A lot of someones, that is. ME in unfamiliar group situations...*dies*. So uncomfortable. I dont know where I stand with them, how to act. That leads me to get close to people one by one in the group. Once i've done my "work" on at least half of the group, only then can i start feeling comfortable and not ostracised or forgotten.
"I do that too(push ppl away)! maybe not at first when it comes to new friends - cos I gotta see if they're trustworthy first, but with close ones I do."
Yes, all down to trust = whether i push you away or not. And yes, i think i'd warn Al or S if i need to run away for a while.
We see people as individuals, whether they are associated with a group/clique or not, and we find at least one person that we absolutely love and want to get to know better in each group. See, ENFJs are very suspicious of groups, though we're accepting of individuals.
Yes. Prime example - KL and YN. Wanting to form my own group (in my head at first and then reality).
When I deliberately pull away
1. I find an interesting new person that I befriend quickly.
2. I realize that I can't possibly maintain the level of intimacy I have created.
3. I back off/run away/ start behaving kind of terse and blunt- not my usual style at all.
When I inadvertently pull away
1. I find an interesting new person that I befriend quickly.
2. I find myself revealing very intimate things about myself and being far too open (which I always do, cannot NOT do, always beat myself up later about, but still do the very next time- every time). 3. I realize that the other person views me as a novelty or a freak and that they don't have any empathy for me- if anything, I have provided them amo and gristle for judgment. They don't understand me. They were not the person I should have been opening up to... This makes me feel embarrassed and saddened and a little mad.
4. I make a vow to be more of a fortress and not to waste more energy on them- which results in me avoiding them or giving clipped answers or whatever until there is more breathing room. This isn't done out of animosity- it is truly self-preservation.
Lots of my close friends and relatives are type 4, 5 which are resembling of INFP, INFJ, ISFP...these people have high maintenace and extremely hard to please sometime. They make me walk on egg-shell and are annoyed with everything i say/do. I've been trying my best to bring theme peace of mind, but it seems like they want to torture themselves of all cost. My mother is an INFP and an E4. And im a E3, so i did whatever to seek approval from her. Sometime i got it, sometime not. She's temperament and difficult. I don't blame her, don't take it wrong, she's just being herself."
This. With H (E4) and xj (E5). Yes, again, whatever I did sometimes annoy them and i have to be so guarded so that they wont dislike me or get annoyed. How then do i show my true self? For H, no matter what I said or did, it wouldn't soothe her (for example her SO cheating) and it seems whatever I said was wrong. As much as I wanted to feel needed + help, i'd feel so drained just trying to think of what to say. But again, i dont blame her. Its just the way she is. Its something i have to accept and adjust myself to.
"We are vulnerable and sensitive to rejection. One main reason we keep a distance from people because we are afraid to get hurt. Another is because some of these people drain us deliberately. We are the givers who wear our heart on sleeves. We are the magnets that attract poor wounded souls to us. People can sense our goodness and innocence. But some among these are preditors preying on our energy. So, watch out! Don't let the bad people take advantage of you."
How accurate! Im so afraid to get hurt again. So so so afraid. Its a fear that gets my heart beating so bad at the idea. Brings me back memories i try so hard to supress. Those "black hole" days which scared me to no end. And this paragraph just screams E.
"Ok, my INFPs called me whenever they needed to vent their brain out. I took it all. However, when i tried to call them back sometime, they weren't there. But i found it extraordinary selfish of them."
Yes, at one point of time, I thought this about S. But then i have come to terms with it and i understood it's just because we have high expectations of ourselves. We are always there for others, so we expect the same from others but that's not fair to them. Read an article about INFPs and FI-dom makes everyone's problems invisible because their own problems would be like an unrelenting large cloud of storm at the forefront of their mind.
"One thing it's because of our defense mechanism defense is strong. I do that to let my friends know that i have other special friends too. Maybe we are not that confident as you think we are. We don't want to lean on you and you alone because what if you leave? what are we gonna do? How can we cope? We all have insecurity but we react differently on it, you see?"
too true. I do this a lot to H and sometimes S. But mostly H. Maybe cos i want her to see that I do not belong to her. That i have greater worth? Or that i have better friends, people who that are more similar to me, that im not that weird and different. People that accept me more than her? thats why i'd rather hang out with them? i think its the latter.
Another thing could be we are interested in people from all walks of life. It's a life long study for us ENFJs. We don't really cling to someone you know, everyone is our best friend. That can be good and bad at times. You may find it superficial and pretentious. As my INFP friend said once, i dont have a single circle, it's more like a blop
i totally agreed with him on that. It doesn't mean we forgot you. Different people have different roles in our heart. We will constantly think about you, care about your being..etc. We may or may not say it, but you can feel it by talking to us, look at us in the eyes. Thats why quality time is so important for me. Showing you that i care, that i want to shower my attention on you and just you for that short period of time. This pretty much sums up being ENFJ.
Advice to all those who want to be 'possessive' of ENFJs:
My advice for you is, don't feel sad about your friend being a social butterfly, don't make her feel guilty and don't hold her back. Let her grow on her own term. She will come back to you eventually. You can never imagine, but if your our special friends, you will stay in the back of our head for life. It may sound strange but it takes almost no time for us to united with you after a long time because in our mind, we never left.
I also find that I initiate a lot in my friendships, organising coffee get-togethers, dinners out etc....that a lot of the time I wish people would call me and ask "Hey, how are you" and listen to me
Yup! I do initiate most of my meet-ups and always the one asking "how are you" question. That i get stunned and shocked when someone asks me"how are you". This agains leads back to being E2 where we have little self-worth and our feelings are of little value. Thus, we ourself dont bother saying how we are, our if so, on a more superficial level. But still, the feeling of wanting to be appreciated is still there.
I agree - all my friends - they each stand on their own in their d
ifferences. They are all unique - different backgrounds, views etc, if I put all my friends in one room I don't think they'd get on lol.
Haha so true. Imagine people that I hang out one-on-one together...Put s, h, yh, e, I in one room. HAHA ok the idea itself is super funny.
As an ENFJ, I think about everyone who's in my life IRL. I even think about the people at PC. I think about my childhood friends who I have never seen again and I wonder what they're doing, how they are. I think about people I worked with years ago and never stayed in contact with. I just cannot stop thinking about PEOPLE.
Yea, interesting idea. Never realised this but this applies to me too. Just yestrday, i was thinking about aisyah, syahida, herlmi, debra, terrance, leon....whuuutttt. haha
"My life is built on personas. If someone gets close they will find out about these personas. Only my closest friends know of my ability to be a chameleon. "
The reason i get so weird when im stuck with 2 close friends who dont know each other....how do i behave? What persona do i put up then?? And im afraid that someone will find out that im different with everyone. It gets hard sometimes having to put up all these personas. Especially after not seeing for so long, i forgot what persona im supposed to put up. And i get scared...what if im too candid? too harsh? too quiet? And the person might find me changed and different...get suspicious and not like me as much? My downfall that will be one day. Why personas? Cos i've "customised" version of myself for everyone. To talk about common topics and shared values to connect and ultimately, be liked and be indispensable. To have that "special" and "unique" connection with someone. A lot of someones, that is. ME in unfamiliar group situations...*dies*. So uncomfortable. I dont know where I stand with them, how to act. That leads me to get close to people one by one in the group. Once i've done my "work" on at least half of the group, only then can i start feeling comfortable and not ostracised or forgotten.
"I do that too(push ppl away)! maybe not at first when it comes to new friends - cos I gotta see if they're trustworthy first, but with close ones I do."
Yes, all down to trust = whether i push you away or not. And yes, i think i'd warn Al or S if i need to run away for a while.
We see people as individuals, whether they are associated with a group/clique or not, and we find at least one person that we absolutely love and want to get to know better in each group. See, ENFJs are very suspicious of groups, though we're accepting of individuals.
Yes. Prime example - KL and YN. Wanting to form my own group (in my head at first and then reality).
When I deliberately pull away
1. I find an interesting new person that I befriend quickly.
2. I realize that I can't possibly maintain the level of intimacy I have created.
3. I back off/run away/ start behaving kind of terse and blunt- not my usual style at all.
When I inadvertently pull away
1. I find an interesting new person that I befriend quickly.
2. I find myself revealing very intimate things about myself and being far too open (which I always do, cannot NOT do, always beat myself up later about, but still do the very next time- every time). 3. I realize that the other person views me as a novelty or a freak and that they don't have any empathy for me- if anything, I have provided them amo and gristle for judgment. They don't understand me. They were not the person I should have been opening up to... This makes me feel embarrassed and saddened and a little mad.
4. I make a vow to be more of a fortress and not to waste more energy on them- which results in me avoiding them or giving clipped answers or whatever until there is more breathing room. This isn't done out of animosity- it is truly self-preservation.
Why ENFJs push people away when they get too close (PART 1)
All my life I've always loved to get to know people, and I get drawn to them. But then there comes a time when that other person responds well to me and gets closer and I feel like they're starting to form an attachment with me....and then I sort of feel nervous and petrified and I back off, keep them at an arm's distance. Then I see them get confused and back off, and then I feel bad and want the relationship to get better again. I'm not just talking about love relationships, I also mean friendships and family relations.
I think this is very true of some of my friendships, particularly H and one point of time, fat. Or when people tag along with me, it makes me wanna just shake them off even tho i may have been the one who initiated the friendship or encouraged them to get attached. Why's that? But this is soooo true for H. I get sooo suffocated and not a v pleasant feeling when she labels me her best friend. But then i feel bad and start trying to be close again but with an extra layer of guardedness? WHY. Ok one theory is that i don't really like some qualities that she has as a person and it gets hard trying to shut up and not say anything about it (goes against my values such as talkingbad abot other people) cos when i do then she gets offended. So it feels like i have to suppress what i think/feel constantly?
For fat or mar, maybe because it's not mutual? or too much hanging out with one person does that to me.
"She always seems to be forcing her way into deeper relationships with people. It's been a thing that actually really annoys me because it makes me wonder why I'm not enough for her.
Sometimes she'll go a week without talking to me because she's so busy trying to be best friends with everybody else. -INFP"
I dont think i'm like that. Im very particular about who i want to be close with. And i'll drop all my friendships for Sya. Simple as that.
"I'm very ankward when friendships get too close. It's like a feeling.. of being uncomfortable.. like pressured, when someone puts a lot of trust and closeness with me.. Not that I don't like it, but it makes me feel a little bit afraid and unwell."
This applies to me, but for certain people only. I think it has some things to do with trust. For example, if KL and i got very close, i would be okay with it simply because i feel safe and know that my secrets would be safe and that I won't be judged for my true flaws and dark thoughts. But H for instance, i do not feel safe because when it comes down to it, i dont trust her. Its her personality, and telling people my stuff which im not okay with. So i think pushing people away has got to do witht the trust aspect. But one bad thing is that we like people, we want to get to know them, but unfortunately its not always a one-way street and sometimes we too have to share abit more about ourselves and our secrets.
"What ENFJ's need to realize is that not every friendship has some sort of hidden agenda. Maybe guys/girls just want to be closer to you because they enjoy your company and not because they want a committed relationship. You're freaking ENFJ's for fuck sake, people love being around you.
If you ENFJ's ever wonder why some people seem to hate you, it's because you're shooting yourselves in the foot. I learned this from my ENFJ mother. you manipulate us without even realizing it. You run away from us when you think you're in danger or have become "too close" to someone and come back when you feel safe again and then repeat that cycle over and over.
To the average person it seems like you are just using us. like you just share your relationship with us when you feel it's convenient and then when higher priorities come up you dump us back down again as if we were never your friends in the first place.
You get our hopes up that maybe we can have a solid relationship with you again only to have you run away again and leave us broken.
You're like the man offering a thousand dollars to a homeless man only to snatch it away and run off as soon as the man reaches for it. sure it's not because you're evil, but it sure as hell seems that way. what else are we supposed to think unless we've studied up on ENFJ's and know how they tick?
And imagine if someone actually did desire a committed relationship from one of you guys. Imagine the trauma that person would undergo even more then with the friendship scenario. I've seen the mental damage someone can go through when they don't know what someone wants because that person keeps emotionally running away for long periods of time with no explanation and then coming back as if they had never left."
Suspicion confirmed =/ I've always wondered if my style of hanging out with friends might come off as just being there cos its convenient. And if so, is that so wrong? And i've once thought that whoever wants to be in a committed relationship with me is gonna go thru hell and back, simply cos i like doing the tango - back and forth. I get scared, can you blame me? We ENFJs feel so deeply, that all sorts of defence mechanism are bound to be there. And running away is one of them. We have such thin psychological boundaries that one move from you can crush us for years.
"ENFJs do the things they do because they have been hurt, or are afraid of being hurt. I'd think you'd understand that it's not always easy to be friends with some people who demand a lot of your time and energy, and you have a need to have a million and one friends, close or otherwise. We're an enigma, yet people figure us out and use it against us, and it'd be wrong to assume after the first few times of it happening, we just LET people get close again, without the fear overtaking our hypersensitive and overemotional bodies and minds and having us run away."
E. He completely messed me up. He figured me out, and played me like a fiddle. Im very guarded now who i let see the true me, not just different facades. I showed E who i really was, and got crushed because he wasn't "charmed" in the slightest, instead i dont know what i was to him. Not again, never again. Thats where the running away part comes in, it's just a defense mechanism.
"I'm afraid of people getting close to me because I have been extremely hurt in the past - my self-esteem and confidence dropped below zero because of 3 people - all at one time (hahah omg same, E +I + N) Although I understand that not everyone out there is going to hurt me it is by way a self-defence mechanism. Sometimes to accept someone is to accept their past, their flaws, and everything else that makes up that person, and bear in mind that someone may have gone through really difficult times and to push/force someone to open up to you way too soon just makes them retreat even more."
This. My self-esteem....what self-esteem? At least it's recovering.
I think this is very true of some of my friendships, particularly H and one point of time, fat. Or when people tag along with me, it makes me wanna just shake them off even tho i may have been the one who initiated the friendship or encouraged them to get attached. Why's that? But this is soooo true for H. I get sooo suffocated and not a v pleasant feeling when she labels me her best friend. But then i feel bad and start trying to be close again but with an extra layer of guardedness? WHY. Ok one theory is that i don't really like some qualities that she has as a person and it gets hard trying to shut up and not say anything about it (goes against my values such as talkingbad abot other people) cos when i do then she gets offended. So it feels like i have to suppress what i think/feel constantly?
For fat or mar, maybe because it's not mutual? or too much hanging out with one person does that to me.
"She always seems to be forcing her way into deeper relationships with people. It's been a thing that actually really annoys me because it makes me wonder why I'm not enough for her.
Sometimes she'll go a week without talking to me because she's so busy trying to be best friends with everybody else. -INFP"
I dont think i'm like that. Im very particular about who i want to be close with. And i'll drop all my friendships for Sya. Simple as that.
"I'm very ankward when friendships get too close. It's like a feeling.. of being uncomfortable.. like pressured, when someone puts a lot of trust and closeness with me.. Not that I don't like it, but it makes me feel a little bit afraid and unwell."
This applies to me, but for certain people only. I think it has some things to do with trust. For example, if KL and i got very close, i would be okay with it simply because i feel safe and know that my secrets would be safe and that I won't be judged for my true flaws and dark thoughts. But H for instance, i do not feel safe because when it comes down to it, i dont trust her. Its her personality, and telling people my stuff which im not okay with. So i think pushing people away has got to do witht the trust aspect. But one bad thing is that we like people, we want to get to know them, but unfortunately its not always a one-way street and sometimes we too have to share abit more about ourselves and our secrets.
"What ENFJ's need to realize is that not every friendship has some sort of hidden agenda. Maybe guys/girls just want to be closer to you because they enjoy your company and not because they want a committed relationship. You're freaking ENFJ's for fuck sake, people love being around you.
If you ENFJ's ever wonder why some people seem to hate you, it's because you're shooting yourselves in the foot. I learned this from my ENFJ mother. you manipulate us without even realizing it. You run away from us when you think you're in danger or have become "too close" to someone and come back when you feel safe again and then repeat that cycle over and over.
To the average person it seems like you are just using us. like you just share your relationship with us when you feel it's convenient and then when higher priorities come up you dump us back down again as if we were never your friends in the first place.
You get our hopes up that maybe we can have a solid relationship with you again only to have you run away again and leave us broken.
You're like the man offering a thousand dollars to a homeless man only to snatch it away and run off as soon as the man reaches for it. sure it's not because you're evil, but it sure as hell seems that way. what else are we supposed to think unless we've studied up on ENFJ's and know how they tick?
And imagine if someone actually did desire a committed relationship from one of you guys. Imagine the trauma that person would undergo even more then with the friendship scenario. I've seen the mental damage someone can go through when they don't know what someone wants because that person keeps emotionally running away for long periods of time with no explanation and then coming back as if they had never left."
Suspicion confirmed =/ I've always wondered if my style of hanging out with friends might come off as just being there cos its convenient. And if so, is that so wrong? And i've once thought that whoever wants to be in a committed relationship with me is gonna go thru hell and back, simply cos i like doing the tango - back and forth. I get scared, can you blame me? We ENFJs feel so deeply, that all sorts of defence mechanism are bound to be there. And running away is one of them. We have such thin psychological boundaries that one move from you can crush us for years.
"ENFJs do the things they do because they have been hurt, or are afraid of being hurt. I'd think you'd understand that it's not always easy to be friends with some people who demand a lot of your time and energy, and you have a need to have a million and one friends, close or otherwise. We're an enigma, yet people figure us out and use it against us, and it'd be wrong to assume after the first few times of it happening, we just LET people get close again, without the fear overtaking our hypersensitive and overemotional bodies and minds and having us run away."
E. He completely messed me up. He figured me out, and played me like a fiddle. Im very guarded now who i let see the true me, not just different facades. I showed E who i really was, and got crushed because he wasn't "charmed" in the slightest, instead i dont know what i was to him. Not again, never again. Thats where the running away part comes in, it's just a defense mechanism.
"I'm afraid of people getting close to me because I have been extremely hurt in the past - my self-esteem and confidence dropped below zero because of 3 people - all at one time (hahah omg same, E +I + N) Although I understand that not everyone out there is going to hurt me it is by way a self-defence mechanism. Sometimes to accept someone is to accept their past, their flaws, and everything else that makes up that person, and bear in mind that someone may have gone through really difficult times and to push/force someone to open up to you way too soon just makes them retreat even more."
This. My self-esteem....what self-esteem? At least it's recovering.
why ENFJs are incredible
Note to self: When you're feeling down or doubting yourself, read this! (from an ENFPs perspective)
Okay, this is long overdue and I really need to 'fess up. I tried post a different thread to you but I think what I was trying to say was in it's feeble stages. What I really want to convey is how grateful I am that ENFJs are in the world. ENFJs are absolutely wonderful people and I'm not sure you know your gifts to those around you. I think you have an "idea" but I think you like things "confirmed" by others. So here it is. Forewarning: I am very emotional and honest about this so expect this to be a long post.
I think I am more than qualified to boast about ENFJs' sensational qualities. After testing for type, all six of my very closest (physical real life) friends are ENFJs. These are males and females. Plus, the father of my child (marriage lasted 8 years) with whom I still remain friends is also an ENFJ. If it wasn't for the ENFJ, I honestly don't know how I would make it through my life.
Do you know how beautiful and how charming you are? Do you know that wherever I may go, a party or whatever, you manage to find me and approach me? You extend your hand to me in friendship and love. You take risks at being my friend and you are so loyal to me once you do. You see the good in me when I don't see it in myself.
You have such strength. You go through your life and see the good in others. Yes, sometimes you get hurt and don't understand why there wasn't "that connection" because you felt it so deeply on your end. All I can say is that "I'm sorry". And you've wasted your time on many people that were not even worthy of you. That is usually when you call me and I will listen forever. I will listen to all the pain you are suffering or have suffered. I will help you see things "in a different way" so that you can feel good about yourself again. I have absolutely no problem doing this. That is finally my chance to love you back.
It's so sweet. You always want to make sure you're doing "the right thing", that you did it "nobly". You love to "report" to me how you handled different situations. I love hearing it. We encourage each other, right? I will always validate you that you did something right. This is not because I'm into blowing smoke up your ass. This is because the reality is : You care about others and "doing the right thing" WAY more than most people on this planet. You have a good heart. I help you to trust in that. I want you to trust in yourself and to be able to need validation only from yourself.
You know you're physically gorgeous, right? I mean I know you are HOPING that you are. It's scary to reveal your insecurities. But you can relax. The reality and truth is: You ARE gorgeous. It doesn't matter when you get too skinny, too fat, too young or too old. There is a beauty you posses that will always be. Trust me, I've seen it. My ENFJ friends ages range from 21 to 56, I've seen you all through many stages and you ALL remain gorgeous. Do you ever age? Lol.
It's okay to have this wonderful "physical gift". Who is it better bestowed upon than persons who equally match that with their insides as well. You know you confuse people, right? You are so attractive, so intelligent, you are so open, AND THEN what you give emotionally!!!!!!! Do you know how that blows people's minds??
There is no other personality that is better suited for me when it comes to friendship, contact, and communication. We both can call each other at any odd time of the day. We both don't get offended if one of us has to 'go' all of a sudden. We just "get" each other. We can go long stretches without speaking to each other. We both know what that's about. We are both extraverted and have our hands in "lots of pies." We both get "busy", but then when one of us calls the other and we finally make "contact", we can talk for hours and quickly go to an emotionally deep level as if we've never left each other's side.
You ENFJs keep me "in line". No, it's not by you demanding it. I stay in "line" because I am inspired by your efficiency in this world. You have this fine balance of "taking care of business" and "loving those around you." In fact, you're AMAZING at this capability. You are wonderful, loving role-models. When I want to give up and do nothing, you show me how I can undertake EVERYTHING. When I want to turn around and throw a tantrum at the person who just hurt me, you show me how to convey the message more appropriately. Lol- THAT is your biggest gift to me. But I guess I tend to do the same for you. It's just easier giving the appropriate advice when you're not the one being hurt I guess. Why do we feel such a symbiosis with each other?
For some reason, you all ask my advice. Do you know how much of a self-esteem booster that is for me? People that I think have it together WAY more than I do, seem to crave my every word. And then when I give it, you love me for it. You're so sweet. I think you understand that I need to give too.
I know it's hard for you to ask for compliments. You are ALWAYS complimenting me. But it is so charming to see how I can turn your day around when I give you compliments. No, my compliments are not "fluff". You really deserve what I tell you. And you look and sound so wonderful receiving compliments. I don't know a better group of people to bestow compliments upon. You become so honest, so child-like. A big smile spreads across your face. You give hugs with a resounding "Thank you". You always manage to express thoughtful appreciation.
My ENFJ friends have all been "aunts" "uncle" and of course "father" to my daughter. Even though I've cut out extended family, my child has a full "family" because of you.
Thank you ENFJs. You have inspired me to no end. I owe much of what I am today to you because you believed in me when I had no idea there was even a seed of worthiness within. Thank you for always "being there" when I lock my keys in my car. Thank you for helping me with planning. THANK YOU FOR BELIEVING IN ME. Thank you for taking the time to explain.
You are wonderful people. You glow and your are a beacon. I rarely have negative incidences with you. Even when I have become frustrated with an ENFJ, it can't last that long. Because in just a short amount of time you manage to do something amazing again.
Seriously, other divorced people drop their jaw when they witness the caring and cordial relationship between me and my ex husband. But neither one of us is good at being "mean" anyway. So we laugh at the world in all their "meanness."
ENFJ, No one understands me like you do. And I ALWAYS feel accepted by you. Please love yourselves dearly ENFJs. Your kind of love saves people's lives. I mean it.
Okay, this is long overdue and I really need to 'fess up. I tried post a different thread to you but I think what I was trying to say was in it's feeble stages. What I really want to convey is how grateful I am that ENFJs are in the world. ENFJs are absolutely wonderful people and I'm not sure you know your gifts to those around you. I think you have an "idea" but I think you like things "confirmed" by others. So here it is. Forewarning: I am very emotional and honest about this so expect this to be a long post.
I think I am more than qualified to boast about ENFJs' sensational qualities. After testing for type, all six of my very closest (physical real life) friends are ENFJs. These are males and females. Plus, the father of my child (marriage lasted 8 years) with whom I still remain friends is also an ENFJ. If it wasn't for the ENFJ, I honestly don't know how I would make it through my life.
Do you know how beautiful and how charming you are? Do you know that wherever I may go, a party or whatever, you manage to find me and approach me? You extend your hand to me in friendship and love. You take risks at being my friend and you are so loyal to me once you do. You see the good in me when I don't see it in myself.
You have such strength. You go through your life and see the good in others. Yes, sometimes you get hurt and don't understand why there wasn't "that connection" because you felt it so deeply on your end. All I can say is that "I'm sorry". And you've wasted your time on many people that were not even worthy of you. That is usually when you call me and I will listen forever. I will listen to all the pain you are suffering or have suffered. I will help you see things "in a different way" so that you can feel good about yourself again. I have absolutely no problem doing this. That is finally my chance to love you back.
It's so sweet. You always want to make sure you're doing "the right thing", that you did it "nobly". You love to "report" to me how you handled different situations. I love hearing it. We encourage each other, right? I will always validate you that you did something right. This is not because I'm into blowing smoke up your ass. This is because the reality is : You care about others and "doing the right thing" WAY more than most people on this planet. You have a good heart. I help you to trust in that. I want you to trust in yourself and to be able to need validation only from yourself.
You know you're physically gorgeous, right? I mean I know you are HOPING that you are. It's scary to reveal your insecurities. But you can relax. The reality and truth is: You ARE gorgeous. It doesn't matter when you get too skinny, too fat, too young or too old. There is a beauty you posses that will always be. Trust me, I've seen it. My ENFJ friends ages range from 21 to 56, I've seen you all through many stages and you ALL remain gorgeous. Do you ever age? Lol.
It's okay to have this wonderful "physical gift". Who is it better bestowed upon than persons who equally match that with their insides as well. You know you confuse people, right? You are so attractive, so intelligent, you are so open, AND THEN what you give emotionally!!!!!!! Do you know how that blows people's minds??
There is no other personality that is better suited for me when it comes to friendship, contact, and communication. We both can call each other at any odd time of the day. We both don't get offended if one of us has to 'go' all of a sudden. We just "get" each other. We can go long stretches without speaking to each other. We both know what that's about. We are both extraverted and have our hands in "lots of pies." We both get "busy", but then when one of us calls the other and we finally make "contact", we can talk for hours and quickly go to an emotionally deep level as if we've never left each other's side.
You ENFJs keep me "in line". No, it's not by you demanding it. I stay in "line" because I am inspired by your efficiency in this world. You have this fine balance of "taking care of business" and "loving those around you." In fact, you're AMAZING at this capability. You are wonderful, loving role-models. When I want to give up and do nothing, you show me how I can undertake EVERYTHING. When I want to turn around and throw a tantrum at the person who just hurt me, you show me how to convey the message more appropriately. Lol- THAT is your biggest gift to me. But I guess I tend to do the same for you. It's just easier giving the appropriate advice when you're not the one being hurt I guess. Why do we feel such a symbiosis with each other?
For some reason, you all ask my advice. Do you know how much of a self-esteem booster that is for me? People that I think have it together WAY more than I do, seem to crave my every word. And then when I give it, you love me for it. You're so sweet. I think you understand that I need to give too.
I know it's hard for you to ask for compliments. You are ALWAYS complimenting me. But it is so charming to see how I can turn your day around when I give you compliments. No, my compliments are not "fluff". You really deserve what I tell you. And you look and sound so wonderful receiving compliments. I don't know a better group of people to bestow compliments upon. You become so honest, so child-like. A big smile spreads across your face. You give hugs with a resounding "Thank you". You always manage to express thoughtful appreciation.
My ENFJ friends have all been "aunts" "uncle" and of course "father" to my daughter. Even though I've cut out extended family, my child has a full "family" because of you.
Thank you ENFJs. You have inspired me to no end. I owe much of what I am today to you because you believed in me when I had no idea there was even a seed of worthiness within. Thank you for always "being there" when I lock my keys in my car. Thank you for helping me with planning. THANK YOU FOR BELIEVING IN ME. Thank you for taking the time to explain.
You are wonderful people. You glow and your are a beacon. I rarely have negative incidences with you. Even when I have become frustrated with an ENFJ, it can't last that long. Because in just a short amount of time you manage to do something amazing again.
Seriously, other divorced people drop their jaw when they witness the caring and cordial relationship between me and my ex husband. But neither one of us is good at being "mean" anyway. So we laugh at the world in all their "meanness."
ENFJ, No one understands me like you do. And I ALWAYS feel accepted by you. Please love yourselves dearly ENFJs. Your kind of love saves people's lives. I mean it.
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