I did some reflection earlier on in the shower (haha all the eureka moments happen then right!!) and i realised why i get so nervous posting on PerC. It's becuase i feel like i'm being judged by sooo many people that i don't even know. It's different from posting a story because in a story you have a character, a persona, a facade to hide behind. And blogging you can write whatever you want and take however long to get it right. In perc, your very thoughts are being analysed and it gets scary.
Especially so by being an ENFJ type 2 because im a chameleon. I scan my environment or who im with before putting on an appropriate mask or role. But with perc, i have no idea which mask to put on because i dont know these people. So i have to be just me. And how do you know you're doing the right thing to please others when you don't have clue about the people you're trying to please? Life of a people pleaser.
Doesn't mean i put on masks and step into roles that im fake or any less insincere. Its just something i do on auto and i do this as easily as breathing. It's so natural and a part of me. But i admit, sometimes i lose myself.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Indispensible.
I realised why I’m a type 2. It’s not because im naturally helpful. Maybe I am on the outside, or half of me inside is. It’s more because I’m selfish. So utterly selfish by nature. But the other half of me which is my moral compass which is just as strong won’t allow my selfishness to bleed through too much. And it helps in suppressing my selfishness. To compensate, I have to keep helping people to satiate that moral compass. So its like a never-ending cycle. Selfish thoughts and intentions >> moral compass kicks in >> having to help others out. Maybe?
Average 2/1 combines oneish judgment with twoish people-pleasing. 2/1s are tighter and more rigid than 2/3s, but less exacting than 1/2s.
Very true. Compared to mak, i'm waaay less judgemental and "preachy".
They regulate their behavior carefully, in order to stay polite and proper.
I've always felt like that. Step one, examine environment. Then put on an appropriate mask. I remember i'm so aware of these sort of things especially in cedar in guides especially when dealing with seniors and protocol. Like sit up straight, eye contact, etc.
Overall, they want to put on a happy face, but because of repressed anger (from the one-wing) and repressed personal needs (from the two), their happy face is sometimes pinched with tension.
YES omg spot on. Especially days when im having horrible mood swings. And ppl smile and go "hi amirah!!" and my smile would look sooo pathetic and forced. And it takes so much effort just to paste that half-smile there.
They are less interested in appearing sexy and glamorous than 2/3, and they are more interested in becoming indispensible than 1/2.
Yes. That's exactly it. IT. My true aim in life that i would never admit to anyone. I want to be indispensible.
Healthy 2/1s almost always find that their true calling involves helping others grow, often children. They become able to help themselves as wisely and lovingly as they help others.
Yes. I remember the feeling of teaching Ilhan and he actually learning things that I taught. Remember UN dream? the joys of teaching :) And doing social work. defo my life path.
They enjoy watching people find their own calling, accepting the delightful differences among us.
Yes, that's partly why i was so interested in the enneagram. Because of how different people are, yet so similar and predictable in motives. That diversity and the richness of the human soul and mind is just..marvellous. (god is great). And all these differences teaches me acceptance.
Sevenish joy from one's integration combines with fourish depth and empathy from the integration of two. The result is tolerant, patient celebration of growth and diversity.
defo what i wanna end up like :) wouldn't have it any other way!
Physical appearance
Most 2/1s prefer to dress conservatively, but stylishly.
Yes. tudung = conservative
Neatness is important.
Hmm questionable at first? Im not exactly known for being neat. But when i think about it. My need for my tudung or hair to be just right and my freak out when my hair's in a mess? yep okay.
Nothing too bold or outrageous. Elegance and poise, quietly distinctive with maybe a sparkle of jewelry or a colorful tie.
Spot on. Jackpot. It's something i didnt consciously realise but now i do notice that its true. Like how i bought that mustard skirt and wear with all black? or the purple cotton on top? yup! i realise its true fr Ale also. Like her prom dress was all black and then a red belt. thot that was great hands down. Plus the green shoes i saw?
Like 1/2, they hold themselves carefully erect, and sometimes seem to be looking down their nose. They might have a tendency to be a little more formal than is really necessary.
Err, maybe the rigidity and nervousness may be true. But i reeeally dont think i look down my nose. (like obama??)
Average 2/1 combines oneish judgment with twoish people-pleasing. 2/1s are tighter and more rigid than 2/3s, but less exacting than 1/2s.
Very true. Compared to mak, i'm waaay less judgemental and "preachy".
They regulate their behavior carefully, in order to stay polite and proper.
I've always felt like that. Step one, examine environment. Then put on an appropriate mask. I remember i'm so aware of these sort of things especially in cedar in guides especially when dealing with seniors and protocol. Like sit up straight, eye contact, etc.
Overall, they want to put on a happy face, but because of repressed anger (from the one-wing) and repressed personal needs (from the two), their happy face is sometimes pinched with tension.
YES omg spot on. Especially days when im having horrible mood swings. And ppl smile and go "hi amirah!!" and my smile would look sooo pathetic and forced. And it takes so much effort just to paste that half-smile there.
They are less interested in appearing sexy and glamorous than 2/3, and they are more interested in becoming indispensible than 1/2.
Yes. That's exactly it. IT. My true aim in life that i would never admit to anyone. I want to be indispensible.
Healthy 2/1s almost always find that their true calling involves helping others grow, often children. They become able to help themselves as wisely and lovingly as they help others.
Yes. I remember the feeling of teaching Ilhan and he actually learning things that I taught. Remember UN dream? the joys of teaching :) And doing social work. defo my life path.
They enjoy watching people find their own calling, accepting the delightful differences among us.
Yes, that's partly why i was so interested in the enneagram. Because of how different people are, yet so similar and predictable in motives. That diversity and the richness of the human soul and mind is just..marvellous. (god is great). And all these differences teaches me acceptance.
Sevenish joy from one's integration combines with fourish depth and empathy from the integration of two. The result is tolerant, patient celebration of growth and diversity.
defo what i wanna end up like :) wouldn't have it any other way!
Physical appearance
Most 2/1s prefer to dress conservatively, but stylishly.
Yes. tudung = conservative
Neatness is important.
Hmm questionable at first? Im not exactly known for being neat. But when i think about it. My need for my tudung or hair to be just right and my freak out when my hair's in a mess? yep okay.
Nothing too bold or outrageous. Elegance and poise, quietly distinctive with maybe a sparkle of jewelry or a colorful tie.
Spot on. Jackpot. It's something i didnt consciously realise but now i do notice that its true. Like how i bought that mustard skirt and wear with all black? or the purple cotton on top? yup! i realise its true fr Ale also. Like her prom dress was all black and then a red belt. thot that was great hands down. Plus the green shoes i saw?
Like 1/2, they hold themselves carefully erect, and sometimes seem to be looking down their nose. They might have a tendency to be a little more formal than is really necessary.
Err, maybe the rigidity and nervousness may be true. But i reeeally dont think i look down my nose. (like obama??)
Misc 101 - ENFJ
Im inarticulate at times because of trying to find an answer that would seem correct and please everyone.
"I just need 1 or 2 extremely close friendships to satisfy me. Such has been the theme of my life. Never more than 2 - maximum 3. The most people I've been able to juggle emotionally is about 5 - and then I start getting neglectful and start losing my grips on myself as a person."
"As soon as the relationship ended I just felt so relieved and happy to be single. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I was afraid to enter into a new relationship, because I knew that once I decide to be in a relationship, my focus would be entirely on the person and I could get into the same situation I had before; I could lose sight of who I really am."
On a personal note, i've realised when there's a friendship between 2 two's (particular me and yh's friendship or with der), we'll see if the other needs anything. If there is no immediate need that needs attention, either one will cave in to be the one "taken care of". Depending on whose need to "take care" is larger. If both are moderate helpers, then it won't be so obvious and there won't be a dominant-submissive rship.
"I just need 1 or 2 extremely close friendships to satisfy me. Such has been the theme of my life. Never more than 2 - maximum 3. The most people I've been able to juggle emotionally is about 5 - and then I start getting neglectful and start losing my grips on myself as a person."
"As soon as the relationship ended I just felt so relieved and happy to be single. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I was afraid to enter into a new relationship, because I knew that once I decide to be in a relationship, my focus would be entirely on the person and I could get into the same situation I had before; I could lose sight of who I really am."
On a personal note, i've realised when there's a friendship between 2 two's (particular me and yh's friendship or with der), we'll see if the other needs anything. If there is no immediate need that needs attention, either one will cave in to be the one "taken care of". Depending on whose need to "take care" is larger. If both are moderate helpers, then it won't be so obvious and there won't be a dominant-submissive rship.
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