Low self-esteem

I've been taking a closer look at my inner-self and I'm realizing that a ton of my issues stem from low self-esteem. If I think about it there is no reason for me to not be confident in myself but its my natural tendency. Example: if a friend makes a skeptical face after I say something it affects me WAY more than it should. I'm wondering if it is common for ENFJs to suffer from low self-esteem, how other ENFJs have dealt with it, and if it has gotten better with age.

Another quirk about me: I don't form extremely close relationships often. Over the course of my life I have had one "best" friend. (Best friend meaning someone I show my whole self to, someone I am completely comfortable with.) I think this might relate to me not being confident enough in myself to let people in. This is not to say I don't have any friends. I have tons of friends, and really good ones that trust me a lot; I just don't give my whole self to them.




About the close friendships thing. I am the same way. I am very picky about who I "let in." I read that ENFJ's tend to hide their "true selves" from people...even though we can share quite a lot. When I read this, I tried to little by little share some secrets with certain friends who I trust more, just to see how they would respond. When they accept these secrets, I feel relieved and feel like my trust in them deepens and that our relationship gets closer. It does feel a little nerve-wracking at first, but when they respond well to it then I think it is really worth it. If they don't respond well, then...I start to question how far the relationship will go. I want friends who can understand me, friends who really care about me and care about getting to know who I truly am. So if they don't seem willing to understand me at such a level, after I opened up to them a bit, then it becomes more clear that maybe the "friendship" won't be so close.

I know I hold back a lot because I fear of getting hurt, being misunderstood or made fun of by these "friends"...so once I decided to risk these feelings because that particular friend really seemed "capable" to be there for me...I open up more and be myself more fully. These types of people seem rare though, so it might take time and lots of searching, but don't lose hope.



I feel this comes to a trust issue I may have, I feel my friends already like me for who I am and theres no need to change that perception, similarly whilst Im sure that letting them see a more serious side wouldn't hurt that perception, I just rather they didn't have that opinion of me in their head.
2nd part is definitely interesting. Yea, its like i alrd "customised" myself to each individual/group that changing the image is quite risky..i mean im sure they'll still like me but why should i bother right? Who knows what they're really thinking? "Too emotional/angsty"...thats what i always get when i tweet what i truly feel. Its because everyone has that "im always so happy" perception of me in their heads. Which shocks me everytime i hear it....because im not happy a lot of times.
All boils down to acceptance and trust. Like for example, with XJ i cant be overly emotional about romance or lack thereof becaue how would he react? I wont get the affirmation I need, so why bother making myself feel so vulnerable? None.